Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Getting back into my groove.

I fell out this week.
Sunday was much harder for me then I could have ever predicted. I was only 10 years old on 9/11, and now 10 years later, I have fully come to terms with what has happened. I read everyone's post and cried. Watching tv made me cry, thinking made me cry, pretty much everything made me cry. So I packed up Bryce and walked to the park in an attempt to clear my head.

It was so lovely at first. It was beautiful outside and lots of people were saying hello and being protective of my baby. There was a sweet looking family playing soccer in the grass, when I passed them by with my stroller they just stared at me... When I found a place in the grass for Bryce to explore, they watched me even harder. I'm not sure what their problem was but I can promise them that even though this baby is white, I was the one who carried him for 9 months and pushed him out.

When Beep and I returned to the house, we found that papa and grandpa had almost been arrested! Long story short. the police were very paranoid on this day.

All of these things had me down. When I was finally feel better, I watched  Miss Universe. bad idea. These women were so beautiful and so in shape. They made me feel like a potato sack. I must say, I was routing for Miss Angola and I'm so happy she won!
The night was harsh, I beat myself up pretty bad. Today has been better, I'm working on acceptance and improvement. I have to know my own beauty, so everyone else can see it. After my fall back, I'm ready to start loving me again :)


  1. I'm sorry to hear about your last couple of days -- I'm sure things will look up, and even having the strength to be honest about your feelings and to share them is a huge step.

    Your blog is sweet -- I like your writing & meaningful posts. I just started following & stop by mine too if you fancy : ] cheers!


  2. I totally relate to you. It's hard to love yourself because you compare yourself to such beautiful women (miss universe for you, victorias secret models for me) and feel like you fall short. I struggle to understand how my husband can find me beautiful or attractive when I'm so over weight. It's a long journey, most of it up hill. But if you're willing to try, so am I. We only have one life and I don't want to spend it being unhappy xx